This is another well researched article on 12 killers of love relationship Frm Akosua Boatemaa’s corner enjoy.
When people think of what could kill or destroy their love relationship, they see only one threat, the involvement of a third party, the other man or the other woman.
Yes, indeed competition from third parties could threaten a love relationship but that is not the greatest threat or killer of love relationships. Indeed, in most cases, the third parties become threats only because of the real killers of love relationships. So let us look at the real threats and killers of love relationships.
Hurtful words, angry words and caustic words. We focus a lot on physical abuse but scarcely give attention to verbal abuse. Physical abuse is a definite NO in a love relationship but the change in it cause can often be healed. The damage from verbal abuse cannot be undone. Caustic words cut deeper than any knife and cause more pain than the heaviest blow. And yet, too many people just got angry and use caustic words not knowing that they are causing permanent damage.
2. NEGATIVE ATTITUDE:
Haughty, arrogant, selfish, domineering of manipulative attitude. Dealing with someone with a negative attitude is hell. The real problem is that it is difficult to let the other person see how much his/her negative is hurtful and eroding your feelings for them.
3. NEGATIVE SELF IMAGE:
When someone with negative self-image goes into a love relationship, he or she punishes the one they claim to love. People with negative self-image are always looking for signs that you don’t love them and when they don’t find any, they invent them. They do not believe that anyone can really love them and so if you say you love them then you are lying and it is their duty to express you as a liar. They create situations to put you off and then they then turn around to say they have the proof that you don’t love them as you say you do.
A possessive person gives no room for his/her beloved to breathe. They either follow you everywhere or monitor every movement of yours or insist having detailed report on everything you do, followed by inquisitional questioning. Unfortunately to the immature person a possessive person seems like a very lovely person. People admire couple who are found everywhere at every time. I don’t think that is healthy for a love relationship it is often evidence of possessiveness. Possessiveness kills a relationship by draining it of its excitement and spontaneity. A possessive person imprisons his/her beloved and stifles him/her on a daily bases. A possessive person is either emotionally immature/insecure or emotionally damaged. Healthy love relationship are those in which the individuals have space and room to breathe and to be.
There are people who have become stagnant in their lives. They are not growing anymore; they are not improving themselves anymore, they don’t read or study anymore and they are not expanding their horizons anymore. They are difficult to relate to in a love relationship because they put so much strain on the relationship. For instance if you are on the rise, they become very envious and hostile to your advancement. Your progress threatens them.
6. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION:
This is a big killer of love relationships. We all go into relationships with some expectations to the realities on the ground, we set ourselves up to destroy our relationships.
7. LACK OF HUMILITY:
The person who lacks humility has certain traits. For instance they find it difficult to take corrections or advice. When you point at a mistake they have made, they get defensive or hostile or nasty. They find it difficult to apologize when they do something wrong and they find it difficult to show appreciation. The expression thank you is not part of their vocabulary.
It is nagging when you keep harping on something over and over. It is nagging when you refuse to let bygones be bygones and you keep bringing up issues that have already been dealt with. The bible says it is better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with a nag or a contentious woman.
People can take a lot in a relationship as long as they feel respected but when they feel disrespected on a regular basis, they just cannot cope with that. Unfortunately, we seem to be losing the virtue of respect in our relationship with one another. In a counselling, I found that disrespect is one of the most common complains of both men and women in a relationship.
10. LACK OF COMMUNICATION:
Couples now have more avenues to stay in touch. Mobile phones now make it possible for us to call and text anytime anywhere. The internet makes it possible for us to facebook, twitter, email and skype and yet couples are increasing feeling alienated from each other; they are not communicating. Too many people in love relationships feel that they are not understood; they are not giving the chance to really share what is in their hearts.
11. THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF MODERN GADGETS
Modernity has brought a lot of gadgets to make our lives easy. I am older than the internet and mobile phones and I look back and wonder how we managed to live without the internet and mobile phones. Unfortunately some of these gadgets have become killers of love relationships. In my youth, when there were no internets and mobile phones, if you were angry with your lover and you wanted to give it to them, you had to go and buy writing pad and envelope. Then when you finish writing the letter, you had to wait for the morning to come so you can board tro-tro to go to town and to queue at a post office to buy a stamp and mail for at least one for the recipient to receive it and another two weeks for the feedback. In most cases by the time you wake up in the morning to go and post the letter, you would have thought through what you have written and decided that the letter was so harsh and destroyed it and save your relationship. These days I can’t taste my anger and indignation and hurt in real time without and space to cool down. So a lot of love relationships are being destroyed because of the same modern gadgets that have made our lives so easy. They also make it easy to mess up.
Those who don’t have the right values are threats to their own love relationships. Where there is no honesty, trust or faithfulness, it does not matter how much love and passion there is, the relationship cannot last. These are twelve of the vicious killers of a love relationship. Next time you are tempted to complain that your beloved has changed, check and see if one of these did not kill your love.
Do share your love experience with us.