Freud once called female sexuality \u201cthe dark continent,\u201d and if that\u2019s true, then male sexuality might as well be the dark planet. Because when it comes to sex, men are far from simple. (As much as they may try to convince us otherwise.) The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, so what you see on TV is typically far from what can (and should) be delivered in reality. That\u2019s why sex experts chimed in with more accurate insight about what guys really want you to know when the two of you climb into bed. Here are their top sex tips for women.\n\n1. Men respond to praise.\n\nIt\u2019s believed that men are so consumed by libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But that couldn\u2019t be further from the truth. \u201c[There are] plenty of men who feel very self-conscious about their weight, or parts of their body, and really are affected by this in the bedroom,\u201d says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman\u2019s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters. Many are impacted by performance anxiety too, asking themselves questions like, \u201cWill I be able to get an erection?,\u201d \u201cHave I gained too much weight?\u201d and, \u201cWill I be able to please her?\u201d\n\nThat\u2019s when it can be helpful for him to hear compliments both in and out of the bedroom. Mintz suggests starting outside the bedroom, when you can have what she calls a \u201ckitchen table sex talk\u201d \u2014 AKA a lower-stakes time to discuss things that are bothering you in the bedroom without having to be \u201cin the moment\u201d of, well, having sex. That\u2019s when your partner can talk about what pressures he\u2019s feeling, or what he\u2019s self-conscious about. Then, you can boost his confidence.\n\n\u201cIn a really good, connected, long-term partnership, there\u2019s not a magic word that will work wonders; it\u2019s more about getting to know what it is your partner is worried about, and addressing that outside of the bedroom, when he\u2019s not already anxious about whatever the issue at hand is.\u201d\n\nLooking for a job? visit JOBSANGO.COM\nOnce you\u2019re in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate. For example, if he\u2019s worried about his weight, maybe give him a sexy once-over and tell him how how buff he looks naked. Other key areas to compliment: His gut, as men often worry about the size of it (and other measurable parts), and their hair, as guys tend to feel self-conscious once they start losing it.\n\n2. Some fear intimacy.\n\nBut not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins \u2014 of words, thoughts, feelings \u2014 and the desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men; not because it\u2019s smothering, but because they realize how desperate they are for it.\n\nSo what\u2019s a woman to do? First, understand that your guy\u2019s hasty retreat post-sex may be because he doesn\u2019t understand how much he craves a connection with you. Then, it\u2019s time for another kitchen table sex talk, Mintz says. \u201cIf he\u2019s been jumping in the shower right after sex for the last 10 years, he\u2019s going to be really taken off guard if, the next time he goes into the shower, you all of a sudden say it upsets you,\u201d she explains. \u201cInstead, set aside a time to talk when the situation has passed.\u201d\n\nWhen you do talk, Mintz suggests using the sandwich technique: Give him a compliment, tell him your problem, then follow it up with another compliment. Example: \u201cI really love having sex with you, and after we have sex I feel really close and connected. I know you really want to shower, but I really want to cuddle. Is there a compromise that will work for both of us?\u201d\n\nIt can be as simple as asking to cuddle for five minutes before a shower, or even showering together. Regardless of the solution, talking about it may reveal something you never knew, and allows fore more understanding before coming up with a new norm that\u2019ll make all parties happy.\n\n3. They appreciate sex for sex.\n\nWhile intimacy and post-sex cuddling can be wonderful for many men, sometimes a little \u201cthrow-me-down sex\u201d is exactly what they want, plain and simple. \u201cMen want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally,\u201d says Joe Kort, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and sexologist in Royal Oak, Michigan. \u201cIt\u2019s not [always] about dominating a woman, but rather ravishing her.\u201d On occasion, don\u2019t be afraid to let him do just that. (So long as it\u2019s something you\u2019re comfortable with, of course.)\n\n4. Guys want to be touched.\n\nThe penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones, just like women, says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. They just don\u2019t tell you to move your hands elsewhere because they\u2019re afraid that if they do, women will shut down and not touch them at all, she explains. \u201cBut there are many places a woman should touch, like the chest, inner thighs, and face,\u201d Schaefer adds. Another key move: Gently gripping a man\u2019s testicles, as it can be a real turn-on that blends control with release. You can also stimulate the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which heightens pleasure during oral sex.\n\n5. Yes, they have sexual fantasies.\n\n\u201cMen want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them,\u201d Dr. Kort says. Similarly, Dr. Schaefer notes that men wish women would reveal their own sexual imaginings. The solution: Make a game of it.\n\nFirst (and most important), promise not to judge the other. Then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. Next time you\u2019re feeling hot and heavy, pull one out. Either jump right into fulfilling that fantasy or, if you need a little more time to adjust, ask what it is about that fantasy that your partner likes, Dr. Kort says. \u201cSometimes, its themes can be addressed in different scenarios that feel comfortable for both of you,\u201d he adds.\n\n6. Men want you to be vocal.\n\nTalking during sex stimulates more than our ears, as Mintz says heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that we make when we\u2019re feeling free, and studies have shown that it\u2019s erotic for all parties involved to hear. It\u2019s also a great way to really express what you want, which is a huge turn-on for men when they know they\u2019re doing exactly what you need to have an orgasm.\n\nIf you\u2019re not usually one to speak up, Mintz suggests trying it solo first. \u201cNext time you\u2019re masturbating, make some noise,\u201d she says. \u201cYou might find something is really fun, and then you can transfer that to partner sex.\u201d Otherwise, saying anything that\u2019s praising, instructive, and even a little dirty tends to go over well with men. Tell him exactly how you want to be touched (and where, and using what) and you\u2019ll his pleasure meter \u2014 and yours \u2014through the roof.\n\n7. And they want you to be honest.\n\nSex can help ease many stressors in a relationship, but it can also cause stress. If he complains about a lack of sex (or the fact that you\u2019re only doing certain things on his birthday), then be honest about what\u2019s causing you to withhold.\n\nOne reason that you may not even be aware of is an issue called receptive desire, Mintz says. \u201cAs a woman ages and the relationship goes on, [many] stop being spontaneously horny,\u201d she explains. \u201cA lot of men and women don\u2019t know this, so they wait to be [turned on] to have sex\u2026But you can have sex to get [turned on], rather than wait to be [turned on] to have sex.\u201d\n\nIf you have a normative lack of desire and don\u2019t know about it, Mintz says these kitchen table sex talks are especially important because they can help both of you realize what issues are really at hand without feeling attacked, hurt, or rejected.\n\nOf course, it\u2019s also possible that there\u2019s anger, resentment, or deeper issues going on. If that\u2019s the case, Mintz says you shouldn\u2019t be using sex as a weapon \u2014 that\u2019s only going to cause more harm in the relationship \u2014 and should instead be honest about how you\u2019re feeling. If you\u2019re not comfortable bringing it up on your own (or discussing it when your partner does), she suggests seeing a therapist, who can help the two of you navigate the issue in a healthy way.\n\n8. Guys enjoy the dance.\n\nMen like a good quest, so even if you\u2019ve been together for awhile, allow your partner to court you. \u201cEmotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance,\u201d Dr. Kort says.\n\nHow do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls \u201cseparate sexuality,\u201d or a sex life that doesn\u2019t include (or betray) the other. \u201cFor him, that might mean allowing his wife to use sex toys or letting other men look at her,\u201d Dr. Kort says. \u201cFor her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy.\u201d Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties, so talk to your partner outside of the bedroom and see if this is something one (or both of you) might be interested in.\n\n9. Speaking of pornography, it isn\u2019t always a big deal.\n\nFinding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, but it shouldn\u2019t be overreacted to or pathologized, Dr. Kort says. First of all, sex addicts only represent 3-6% of the population, so it\u2019s unlikely your man is one. Plus, because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on, Dr. Kort says. \u201cSo no woman can, nor should be, everything to a man.\u201d\n\nStill, it\u2019s tough not to take it personally when he\u2019s getting off by looking at another woman. To help tamper that, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography and discussing it. \u201cAsk him what about it turns him on, and [express without anger] what turns you off,\u201d he says. That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity, and closeness without him feeling like he\u2019s doing something shameful, while you can figure out what you\u2019re OK with accepting and what you\u2019re not.\n\n10. Men want you to embrace sex.\n\nGuys are often accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this line of thought. \u201cMen see sex as a celebration,\u201d Dr. Schaefer says. \u201cThey wish women would take more of a \u2018carpe diem\u2019 approach to it.\u201d\n\nWe all move through life at the speed of sound, with multiple challenges and pressures. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. And more often than not, sex ends up being at the bottom of a long list of priorities. But viewing sex through a different lens \u2014 something you want to do versus have to do \u2014 can make all the difference.\n\nPlus, there are health benefits to sex. Orgasms release oxytocin, for example, a hormone that\u2019s nicknamed the \u201cbonding hormone\u201d for its ability to bring couples closer together while also alleviating stress, reducing blood pressure, and promoting healing. And who couldn\u2019t use more of that?